The business of love

I’ve been meaning for a very long time – about 110 pages worth – to share with you some words from Oliver Sacks’ book “Awakenings.” If you haven't read the book you have likely seen the film, in which Robin Williams and Robert de Niro, amongst others, give brilliant performances.  I digress.  Towards the end of the book Mr. Sacks is describing how some patients become astute & expert navigators of themselves through the trials & tribulations of their Parkinsonism & the effects of L-DOPA (laevodihydroxyphenylalanine) & other medications - eventually developing a deep accommodation of their condition.

He explicates:

"Deep accommodation, rest, care, ingenuity – all of these are essential for the patient on L-DOPA. But more important than all of them, and perhaps a prerequisite for all of them, is the establishment of proper relations with the world, and – in particular – with other human beings, or one other human being, for it is human relations which carry the possibilities of proper being-in-the-world. Feeling the fullness of the presence of the world depends on feeling the fullness of another person, as a person; reality is given to us by the reality of people; reality is taken from us by the unreality of un-people; our sense of reality, of trust, of security, is critically dependent on a human relation. A single good relation is a life-line in trouble, a pole-star and compass in the ocean of trouble: and we see, again and again, in the histories of these patients, how a single relation can extricate them from trouble. Kinship is healing; we are physicians to each other – ‘A faithful friend is the physic of life’ (Browne). The world is the hospital where healing takes place.

"The essential thing is feeling at home in the world, knowing in the depths of one’s being that one has a real place in the home of the world ...

"... One sees that beautiful and ultimate metaphysical truth, which has been stated by poets and physicians and metaphysicians in all ages – by Leibniz and Donne and Dante and Freud: that Eros is the oldest and strongest of the gods; that love is the alpha and omega of being; and that the work of healing, of rendering whole is, first and last, the business of love."

(pp.271-3, Awakenings, Oliver Sacks, Vintage Books 1999)

 

Upon first reading, I thought strongly of my boyfriend, who has described falling in love with me as an awakening.  It is not my story to share with you why that is so.  Suffice to say, I'm sure that many people would describe falling in love in similar terms; the very act or process of opening yourself up to another person also opens you up to yourself, to possibilities, to hope, to emotion, to life.

It has always been my personal opinion that love cannot be denied forever and that trying to do so is only half-living. Yes, love hurts sometimes; and the more deeply you love, the more you open yourself to the potential for hurt. But I’ll take the highs and lows of love over the “safe” monotony of the cocooned grey "protect myself from hurt" middle-ground any day.

Upon typing the passage out, however, my thoughts turned towards the Kili Kids, each of whom is grappling with the individual “trials and tribulations” that life has already dealt them in their short lives. Each and every one has a story that makes you question "why?"  Why has this innocent child, this beautiful soul, been dealt such blows already?  Never mind another train of thought, those questions alone lead to an entire other rail network.

It struck me though, that there is still love in their stories.  And that of all the things every person involved in Committee Assist (Kili Kids) - from the founder and directors, the children's "Mum" and "Aunties", to the volunteers, fundraisers, life-long & one-off donors - is contributing and striving for; of all the “essentials of life” we’re trying to provide (family, a safe environment, health, clothing, food, education/vocation, etc.); what it really boils down to is giving these children love.

"...love is the alpha and omega of being;...

the work of healing, of rendering whole is, first and last, the business of love."

Despite all the difficulties and disadvantages of growing up in an orphanage, in an institution that by its very nature can but attempt to imitate family life (albeit sometimes very well), a great amount of healing – physical, emotional, psychological – has already occurred. Yes, there are struggles, but these children are also full of love.  They are such friendly, welcoming, loving children.  That irrespressible life force, love,  is alive within them.  And it is the solemn task and responsibility of everyone involved with them, to encourage and nurture the work of healing that is the business of love.  I certainly hope and pray that Kili Kids will continue to be a home for these children where healing takes place.